My wife and I think about sending our son to a Jewish day
school. A day-school student receives, alongside secular instruction, an
education in Hebrew language and in Jewish thought and practice. He is
instructed as a Jew.
Even at a progressively oriented Jewish day school, students come to see themselves as belonging to a people that has historically, to one extent or another, understood itself as distinct from its surrounding culture. For me this is both the cost and the benefit of such schooling.
Ethnocentrism is of humanity’s great scourges. Nations, races, tribes, and religions wage war, in large part, because they often cannot or will not try to see through their neighbors’ eyes—indeed, because they can’t imagine that their neighbors even have real viewpoints or legitimate interests. Why, then, disconnect our children from children of other groups? At the same time, belonging to a subculture or group can sustain people in many ways. As descendants or allegiants, we get to stand on countless shoulders. Why deny ourselves such resources?
Even at a progressively oriented Jewish day school, students come to see themselves as belonging to a people that has historically, to one extent or another, understood itself as distinct from its surrounding culture. For me this is both the cost and the benefit of such schooling.
Ethnocentrism is of humanity’s great scourges. Nations, races, tribes, and religions wage war, in large part, because they often cannot or will not try to see through their neighbors’ eyes—indeed, because they can’t imagine that their neighbors even have real viewpoints or legitimate interests. Why, then, disconnect our children from children of other groups? At the same time, belonging to a subculture or group can sustain people in many ways. As descendants or allegiants, we get to stand on countless shoulders. Why deny ourselves such resources?
Is particularistic identity a problem or a source of strength for individuals? for humanity as a whole? Are children rooted in particular communities more or less likely to care for society? Must ethics in our own times be based on universal identity? On what sort of ground does love most fully flourish?
15 comments:
Problem with most day schools will be the risk that the religious part of the educational experience spills over into the secular part. Also some people send their kids to parochial school because they have animus toward public education. These attitudes rub off on their children. Therefore, I recommend that you send your child to public school and provide him with an excellent progressive religious education outside of school. Best of both worlds. It's way less expensive. It provides a crucial dose of daily pluralism that every child deserves. Public school teachers are generally better credentialed (and compensated) and undoubtedly more progressive.
You write like you speak......with heart and insight. In my opinion, most families want to share and pass down religious beliefs and/or an appreciation for Heritage. However in the end, I believe that what's important for a child to learn and to carry on is freedom of choice. Free to chose what their truth is and free to choose to respect other's right to do the same.
Nice blog RDR!
I agree with Esther. Both public school and religious school offers a good mix of education and exposure to other cultures. The best you can do for your kids is expose them to it all and they will decide as the age where they feel most comfortable
So as I told you I just wrote about a similar issue. I was thinking that part of the magic of the World Cup was being connected to people all over the world, and how increasingly rare that is in our now highly stratified society. Our friend Moti Rieber wrote a blog post tonight about universalist values vs particular identity when it comes to how to err late to the conflict in Israel, saying that he has reached a point of feeling more affinity with the universal than the particular.
When I look at my ten and five year old sons, living as Jews in a place where there aren't very many (they will be two of four Jews in an elemntary school of 700+ this fall), I regret that their Jewish identity isn't able to be stronger (there's no Jewish Day School here - being the only rabbi in town's child is probably their strongest connection to Judaism) - and yet, they are exposed to people and ideas that we can't really expose them to because we are totally unfamiliar with them. These may not necessarily be the values that we want to pass on, but often enough they aren't caught up in them, just aware.
Who you spend your time with during formative years creates a structure for how you relate to the world. Diversity in those moments develops a sense of the existence of diversity, particularity a sense of particularity, and being a minority the awareness of minoritiy status. I think there are potential benefits to each.
This has been an interesting challenge in our family. I'm Catholic. My wife isn't. When we got married, I wanted a priest involved in the wedding (though we were married by a Lutheran pastor who was a friend of my wife's family). To do that, my wife had to agree to raise our daughter as a Catholic. She agreed, and added she would raise our daughter in any number of other religious traditions as well.
I found a fantastic, progressive Catholic community when we moved to the twin cities. We agreed to have Sarah baptized into that community, and essentially consented to her baptism into the larger Catholic church as well. Shortly after that, the diocese clamped down on my parish and I went looking for alternatives.
As I looked for another place, it became apparent to me that getting Sarah to join me at church was becoming an epic battle. Every week. And I had to figure out if it was worth it. I decided it wasn't. And, I told myself, we were not going to make her participate in the sacraments of first communion or confirmation, she'd have to choose them. And maybe she'd choose them somehow, later in life, even if she didn't go to church with me.
I shared this with a Lutheran friend. He pounced. And I trusted the pouncing. He said that Sarah would be less likely to pursue a spiritual path if she was not grounded in a particular tradition from which she could explore, compare, and make decisions about what path to choose ultimately.
We decided to tell Sarah she didn't have to go to mass with me, but she had to pick a place. She chose a Unitarian church a friend belonged to. And she likes being in that community, and she is pursuing a set of spiritual questions in that community. And though it's not my tradition, I'm thankful.
I don't know what this means in terms of lending advice with regard to the day school. I didn't go to Catholic schools growing up. Mostly, I think that kept me from living a narrower version of an already narrowed suburban life.
That said, I think I would have benefited from going to a Catholic college or university. I knew very little about the various options available to me, because my connection to Catholic education had been almost nonexistent. Lots of places where my love for the church's social justice teachings could have been nurtured more deeply and far sooner than they were eventually.
Given who his parents are, it's hard to imagine that your son won't know where he came from where religion and culture are concerned. And it's hard to imagine that this knowledge, developed in school or shul or in both places, will harden into a kind of parochial ethnocentrism that, as you say, is one of our great scourges.
Having dodged the role of giving you advice, I'm not sure I've answered the bigger questions you're asking, either. So I've been completely unhelpful, and verbose to boot. You may never invite me to comment again!
I thank the above commenters. Their posts provide much food for thought.
Esther comments that religious day schooling runs the "risk that the religious part of the educational experience spills over into the secular part." Are you saying, Esther, that students there risk receiving inadequate instruction in the standard subjects? Do you mean that standard instruction becomes corrupted, so that science and history are taught falsely?
Unknown tells of his friend's assertion that his daughter "would be less likely to pursue a spiritual path if she was not grounded in a particular tradition from which she could explore, compare, and make decisions about what path to choose ultimately." On the one hand, this notion informs my inclination to send my son to a Jewish day schooling. Grounding allows for perspective. And it keeps children from being baffled by religious tradition, which many schoolchildren (and my college students) know nothing about. On the other hand, childhood notions of "God" can turn some people off permanently and prevent them from opening to a dynamic divine presence. And many who do find such a presence do so despite--or because--they were raised without a religion.
Seems like this is a question about balance. If you want your child to have a deep religious compass, you make sure they have exposure at home and wherever else (including school). If you want your child to be a universalist in the best tradition, then figure out ways to not only expose them to all sorts of folks, but have them read novels (scientifically proven to increase empathy).
Particularist identity is not the problem, IMHO; triumphalism, discrimination, narrow-mindedness, and self-centeredness is (are?).
Send your boy to whatever school feels like it will most honor him as a human being and allow him to flourish. And know you have a good chance of making the wrong choice and it will still be okay.
RDR writes: "On the other hand, childhood notions of "God" can turn some people off permanently and prevent them from opening to a dynamic divine presence."
I couldn't agree more. One of the biggest struggles I faced as a matter of religious faith and personal identity came in college, when I realized that the faith I'd learned as a kid was simplistic and cartoonish.
The only way to avoid that is, it seems to me, to be curious with my daughter or your son as they continue to mature not only in their academic learning but in their religious development as well. --Matt
RDR asks "Are you saying, Esther, that students there risk receiving inadequate instruction in the standard subjects? Do you mean that standard instruction becomes corrupted, so that science and history are taught falsely?"
Yes and yes. Friends with kids in Day School have voiced the following concerns:
Secular learning takes a back seat to religious learning. The day is not long enough to accommodate both without something being sacrificed. The arts often ends up losing out. Also, Day Schools tend to lack the resources of public schools - music lessons, art resources, science labs, sports, etc.
Others have expressed concern that secular learning in history and literature is imbued with a Jewish lens, for better and for worse.
Also some are frustrated because the schools often position themselves to the right of parents on the political spectrum - potentially contributing to identity confusion for kids.
Also Day Schools are not generally equipped to accommodate kids who are different including kids disabilities, ethnic minorities, kids with non-mainstream gender preferences, etc.
Characteristically wise comment from Sue, who points to balance as key. And, Sue rightly suggests that we all need to get over whatever perfectionism mars our worldly actions. Indeed, one must "know you have a good chance of making the wrong choice and it will still be okay."
Esther expresses widely voiced concerns. I'm unsure what you mean when you warn against "secular learning in history and literature [being] imbued with a Jewish lens." Are you suggesting that a characteristically Jewish learning style, such as Talmudic reasoning, dominates learning? Or, are you saying that day schools focus on Jewish history and lit to the exclusion of other types? To an extent, I imagine that the latter is always the case at a Jewish day school. But I hope, at a progressive day school at least, that a universal education also takes place.
My dad pulled me out of yeshiva kindergarten 'cause I threw out his bacon breakfast. I walked into PS 200 on my first day of 1st grade, it was like a UN conference. Thank god because my world view would have been so diminished. Also, I was able to explore my spiritual life in a natural organic way. Nothing was imposed.
I think we can't help develop a separatist view of us and them, all groups do it. I wouldn't want my kid have that be part of his/her everyday experience.
My perspective comes from the Teaneck experience where most of the day schools are affiliated with the orthodox branches of Judiasm. The west coast is probably different. However, I also speak as a parent that has sent my kids to a diverse public school system and I could not imagine a better way to mold my kids as ethical and thoughtful people.
Good questions, Robert.
True story: I was teaching an evening SAT course at an Orthodox school. The boys' school and the girls' came together for this class. Part of my SAT schtick is to point out the tricks the test plays on students by saying, "Now, the SAT hates you, so this is the mean little thing they do on this kind of question, and here's how you keep yourself from getting fooled..." Instead of laughing, as all my other students do, these students panicked. "Us????" they asked, outraged. "They hate US????" I assured them that the SAT hates all teenagers, without regard to race, religion, or ethnicity. The culture these students grew up in schooled them in identity-based paranoia.
I went to Yeshiva for my K-3 grades. Going to public school in Paterson, NJ really wasn't an option. At the time I hated it because it was way more work - scholastically. When we moved I went to regular public school. There was no where near the level of homework and the work at school was not quite as hard, but I don't think I received a sub standard education.
There are many things wrong with public education, and the "No Child Left Behind" legislation, but that is for a different posting topic.
I don't think my years going to Yeshiva religiously isolated me from understanding and trying to work with others, but it did give me an understanding of my identity that I'm not sure I would have received just from Hebrew School and Sunday School, but maybe I would have...we'll never know. Somehow, somewhere along the line I grew up with the thought that everyone should be given equal billing. I don't think Yeshiva isolates a person, but it can if that person wants it to.
My boys, as well as myself, are heavily into Scouting - ever since my oldest was in 1st grade, and he is an Eagle Scout now. We raised our boys with just two household rules, The Scout Oath and the Scout Law. In my opinion it encompasses everything you would want your child to adhere to. If you don't know these two statements, here they are:
Scout Oath: On my Honor, I will do my best to do my duty to G-d and my country and to obey the Scout Law; to help other people at all times; and to keep my self physically strong, mentally awake and morally straight.
Scout Law: A Scout is Trustworthy, Loyal, Helpful, Friendly, Courteous, Kind, Obedient, Cheerful, Thrifty, Brave, Clean and Reverent.
If everyone would adhere to these two rules, things would definitely be different no matter what your religious belief - not taking into account fanatics as there is no rational thought at that point.
So then back to your main question as to what you should do education-wise for your son. A very good friend of mine told me, at the time my oldest was first born, that "Many people are going to give you advise as to how to raise your child. Listen to everyone, thank them for their advise, then do what you feel is right. Everyone becomes an expert when giving advise about someone else's kid, but deep down you, as the parent of your child, you will know."
Julie, thanks for the story. It is, in equal measures, funny, sad, and frustrating. It’s especially frustrating for me as a Jew, because it points to all that I don’t like about Judaism.
David, thanks for sharing the Scout Oath and Scout Law. Both are ethnically/religiously inclusive, and both embody treasurable virtues.
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